Getting Rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses

This update was copied over from my entries on E2 for preservation and protection from the vile hordes of egotistical people who seem to rule there these days.

The following is a true story, the names have been changed to protect the innocent

‘Twas the morning after a fairly successful quakefest, a night filled with much fraggin, cursing, and consumption of carbonated soda beverages. It was about this time that an idea not unlike ‘Yummmmm Donuts‘ was crossing into all our minds, and we prepared to send two of our friends, brave souls indeed, out into the world to bring back some sugarcoated goodness for us all to eat.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, which would have surprised us, as it was about 8am in the morning.. except, this was a quake-fest! There had been people coming and going from the party all night… so one of the guys who was going out for donuts, who was, among all of us, the most strictly religious person at the party, was closest to the door, he went to open it, and as he did so, exclaimed at the top of his voice:

“Oh goody! My door-to-door porn with pepperoni is here!”

He opened the door to find a family of Shocked and horrified door to door religious people (denomination I know not, but for this writeup, sure, they were Jehovah’s Witnesses)… mom, dad, and little daughter too (whom was no older then 7)… my friend tried to explain: “I’m soo sorry, you see, there’s been a quake-party here all night, you know, playing computer games against one another, killing each other in the wee hours of the morning… I’m really a religious guy, really.. I am…“… somehow I don’t think they bought it.. 😉 But I don’t think they’ve ever been back to that apartment since.. 😉

I was supposed to be somebody by 23

This update was copied over from my entries on E2 for preservation and protection from the vile hordes of egotistical people who seem to rule there these days.

I remember when I was a wee little one, I had dreams of becoming a fireman, or a policeman. Then as I got wiser, I realized neither of these paid enough to justify the significant risk of personal injury or death due to someone else’s stupidity or anger management dysfunction. Now, at the ripe old age of 23, I sometimes wonder if there’s something missing in my life. Sometimes I think maybe that’s missing is that ‘love of my life‘ to spend time cuddling with. Other times of course I think my life could use some more money. Then at other times I just look in the mirror, start thinking of that childhood dream, and how I wanted so much to help others, which of course causes me to get nasty with myself, and ask “What Do You Want ? A Cookie ?

Hey, Stop Distracting Me By Rubbing Lotion On Your Legs

This article was copied over from the my entries on E2 for preservation and protection from the vile hordes of egotistical people who seem to rule there these days.

It happens every so often, and I dread when it does, cause it pretty much blows my productivity for the day…

I’ll just be sitting here at the office, being a good little productive member of cubicle society, perhaps even going so far out on a limb as to node a few interesting tidbits of information, minding my own business in general… when suddenly, in the middle of an otherwise harmless ICQ message, a certain sexy female will drop in:

“I got distracted rubbing lotion on my legs.”
“Hey! Stop that!”” I say back, knowing full well that my productivity has just fallen from the sky like a ton of bricks.
“you mean images of me dispensing small droplets of creamy white lotion into my hands and rubbing them up and down my silky delicious inner thighs bothers you??? *innocent
smile
*”
Comes back her reply..

Bothers?! Bothers? Hell No, how about “induces insane amounts of intense sexual desire.” I’m trying to work here people… messages like this does NOT make it easy.

Now I’m stuck here, at the office, full of strange old ladies and clueless bosses, trying hopelessly to remain productive, while thoughts and mental images of the smoothest, most sensual, most delectable,most desirable thighs I know rampage my now dazed and confused hormone infested mind.

I’ll get no more work done this day, this much is certain. All I can do is sit here and contemplate some way of getting even for a deed this foul.