It’s a very very mad world.

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had

The world is definately on the fast track down the drain, or so I think sometimes. Sometimes just when nothing makes sense any longer, I reach the point where I think “This is it! The End is Near! The world could just *not* get any more screwed up“…

Then something comes along and reminds me this is the same old world it’s always been… it’s always been this weird.

What would you do if I sang out tune?

I have this list, a “Celebrity Womens Who Are Hot For One Reason or Another” list. Mainly it’s used just for… providing slight aggrivation to the wife, but still, it’s my list, and so I keep it; it goes something like this:

– Angelina Jolie
– Drew Barrymore
– Jessica Alba

Now, granted, said list is not really carved in stone, occasional guest stars to the list have included Shakira, Christina Aguilera, Keira Knightley, Kate Beckinsale and Katie Holmes, who after this whole Tom fiasco is I think going to be permanetly bounced from the list, but I digress. My point being, the list is fluid, it changes depending on a number of factors. But throughout all the occasional ‘guest stars’ to the list, those three have remained there, pretty much unchanged (they move around in order perhaps, but those three are always there) and always for totally different reasons…

Jolie, not just because of the obvious physical qualities, but because she’s got that “Crazy Pyscho Nympho” look/act going on. Making out with her brother, carrying a (then) loved ones blood around in a vial… hello.. cRaZy. And we all know that while they make terrible partners in a relationship, crazy pshyco nymphs = hot sexins. So on the list with Jolie… adopted baby or not.

Barrymore, while there are a number of traits involved (she’s cute and got the whole “been there, done the crazy pyscho thing, lived to come out the other side, so I act all sweet and normal now, but you know behind closed doors I’m still a freak occasionaly” thing going), comes down to one thing and one thing only when I cut into the matter. Firestarter. I was what, seven when Firestarter came out? I swear, I think that was the first time I looked at a female and thought anything other then “cooties!”.. More importantly then the fact that she was cute (hey, I was 7 at the time, so I can refer to a then-9 year old as cute), piss her off and she’d make your ass explode in a ball of fire. That was some serious shit, and a definate plus to a 7 year old pyromanic such as myself. So, even after all these years, Drew is still on the list.

Alba, the newest addition to my list, didn’t show up until Dark Angel appeared on the TV (Sorry, I was never a fan of Flipper, or Idle Hands)… and to be honest, aside from the “she’s cute” thing.. I’m not really sure why or how she got on the list. I’m starting to think maybe I have this kink in my armor when it comes to cute females who kick ass on screen. (Jolie = Laura Croft, Alba = Dark Angel, Barrymore = Firestarter and later the Angels series)…. hmm.. more research this requires.

However, now, there’s been something of a blast from the past, as I stumbled across Winnie, from the Wonder Years… in Stuff… Now, I know, your going “Dude, that’s like, wrong, she was Winnie for christsakes, it’s just wrong to think of her in any type of sexual manner” Yeah yeah, well.. she’s not 13 anymore, is she? Of course, the problem is, (and no offense to Danica intended), but putting her on the list would be counter productive unless her showbiz career takes a major upturn.

Part of the fun of having “the list” is seeing a preview for something with one of the ladies from “the list” in it, and regardless of how cheesy the movie is, putting on my lewd drooling “me think with penis” face, turning to the wife and going “Dat don’t look that bad, do it?” and watching the blood boil up into her face. ~snicker~ Unfortuently, both me and the wife already turned down playing Everquest2, so somehow I think me going “You know, we should fire up EQ2 for some more fun, I see that Danica did some voice work for it… and you know what her voice does to me…” is going to invoke the same type of reaction I can get from the others.

But still… it *is* Winnie… all grown up.. and she does look damn good… hmmm.

Sweeter Tasting Sperm, Joanie

No, the title has nothing to do with what I wanted to ramble about. But it was the title of the newest addition to my “spam!” folder in my email. Now, I understand the desire for sweet tasting sperm, believe me, I understand. I think any guy, if a magical genie were to appear before them and proclaim “I can make your sperm taste like sweet sweet chocolate forever, for I am the magical chocolate sperm genie!” would jump at the offer, for any guy has the ability to put two and two together. “If my sperm tastes sweet like chocolate, then my girl will love the taste of it, and will want every drop she can get, and that means everybody wins!”.. So anyway, my point is, I understand what they’re trying to sell here, even if I don’t nesicarily *buy* the sales pitch. (if such a wonderous creation existed, wouldnt everyone know about it? wouldn’t there have been a nobel peace prize given out for this wonder-drug?)

What I don’t get is, who is Joanie, and just why does SHE want her sperm to taste sweeter? Unless this email is from some guy who possesses this wonderous fountain of chocolate sperm, and he’s offering to share in the riches with her specifically, then whats the deal?

Anyway, the real thing I wanted to ramble about was, some bastage stole the license plates off my beloved truck over the weekend.

Why. Why Me. Why Again.

This is the 2nd set of plates in 3 years that I’ve had disappear right off my vehicle. The first set happened while at the office, which is to be expected (remember, I work in the ‘bad side of town’), but this most recent act of rudeness was perpertrated in broad daylight, while the truck was sitting outside my apartment…. You know, the neighborhood that is supposed to be safe and ‘not like that’… ha.

So anyway this morning I got to spend about 90 minutes in the good company of the folks at the Motor Vehicles Department. Oh rapture! Oh joy! However could I ever possibly repay whatever kind individual gave me the opportunity to enjoy my morning so?

Castration? With a rusty spoon you say? Yeah, that’s about what I was thinking too.

You can’t please all of the people all of the time. Some people you can never please.

So, progress on the new-house front seems to be moving right along, with all the appropriate parties doing all the appropriate things. If everything stays on track, looks like we could be in the new place by the end of August, woowho!

Apparently the better-half took a trip over to the new place sometime over the weekend, and took the in-laws along to see the place (atleast from the outside). My understanding is that while one parent is in “I’m so proud of you” mode (it must be a father thing, as mine appears to have had the same reaction, based on reports from a 3rd party), the other is in… well…

Her standard mode of thinking. (“Well honey, you know I love you, and I dont want to say anything to upset you or anything… the house is nice.. but the neighborhood is.. um… welll…..”)

~sigh~

I can only hope she doesnt say/do anything to upset the better half too much over the upcoming weeks/months.

You know, I guess we *could* have avoided all this by buying the death-trap house from hell… it was in the right neighborhood, and it was only what, 20 grand more? (And, of course, a DEATH TRAP.. but thats not the point here, the point is it would have made someone happy..)

Just not the people living in it.