What would you do if I sang out tune?

I have this list, a “Celebrity Womens Who Are Hot For One Reason or Another” list. Mainly it’s used just for… providing slight aggrivation to the wife, but still, it’s my list, and so I keep it; it goes something like this:

– Angelina Jolie
– Drew Barrymore
– Jessica Alba

Now, granted, said list is not really carved in stone, occasional guest stars to the list have included Shakira, Christina Aguilera, Keira Knightley, Kate Beckinsale and Katie Holmes, who after this whole Tom fiasco is I think going to be permanetly bounced from the list, but I digress. My point being, the list is fluid, it changes depending on a number of factors. But throughout all the occasional ‘guest stars’ to the list, those three have remained there, pretty much unchanged (they move around in order perhaps, but those three are always there) and always for totally different reasons…

Jolie, not just because of the obvious physical qualities, but because she’s got that “Crazy Pyscho Nympho” look/act going on. Making out with her brother, carrying a (then) loved ones blood around in a vial… hello.. cRaZy. And we all know that while they make terrible partners in a relationship, crazy pshyco nymphs = hot sexins. So on the list with Jolie… adopted baby or not.

Barrymore, while there are a number of traits involved (she’s cute and got the whole “been there, done the crazy pyscho thing, lived to come out the other side, so I act all sweet and normal now, but you know behind closed doors I’m still a freak occasionaly” thing going), comes down to one thing and one thing only when I cut into the matter. Firestarter. I was what, seven when Firestarter came out? I swear, I think that was the first time I looked at a female and thought anything other then “cooties!”.. More importantly then the fact that she was cute (hey, I was 7 at the time, so I can refer to a then-9 year old as cute), piss her off and she’d make your ass explode in a ball of fire. That was some serious shit, and a definate plus to a 7 year old pyromanic such as myself. So, even after all these years, Drew is still on the list.

Alba, the newest addition to my list, didn’t show up until Dark Angel appeared on the TV (Sorry, I was never a fan of Flipper, or Idle Hands)… and to be honest, aside from the “she’s cute” thing.. I’m not really sure why or how she got on the list. I’m starting to think maybe I have this kink in my armor when it comes to cute females who kick ass on screen. (Jolie = Laura Croft, Alba = Dark Angel, Barrymore = Firestarter and later the Angels series)…. hmm.. more research this requires.

However, now, there’s been something of a blast from the past, as I stumbled across Winnie, from the Wonder Years… in Stuff… Now, I know, your going “Dude, that’s like, wrong, she was Winnie for christsakes, it’s just wrong to think of her in any type of sexual manner” Yeah yeah, well.. she’s not 13 anymore, is she? Of course, the problem is, (and no offense to Danica intended), but putting her on the list would be counter productive unless her showbiz career takes a major upturn.

Part of the fun of having “the list” is seeing a preview for something with one of the ladies from “the list” in it, and regardless of how cheesy the movie is, putting on my lewd drooling “me think with penis” face, turning to the wife and going “Dat don’t look that bad, do it?” and watching the blood boil up into her face. ~snicker~ Unfortuently, both me and the wife already turned down playing Everquest2, so somehow I think me going “You know, we should fire up EQ2 for some more fun, I see that Danica did some voice work for it… and you know what her voice does to me…” is going to invoke the same type of reaction I can get from the others.

But still… it *is* Winnie… all grown up.. and she does look damn good… hmmm.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *