Renovation Raaaaaaage!

Alright, so the better half declared some time ago that we needed to replace the vanity/sink in our main bathroom. No problem, it can’t be that complicated, right? We just pop the old one out, drop the new one in, right? Uh huh.. read on brother, read on.

So being the smart person I am, I decide I should do some “prep” before we dive into this fiasco… so I measure the existing vanity cabinet and sink, and I take a look at the existing sink and associated crap.. Hmm.. this is odd, the water lines don’t come out of the wall (like the drain pipe does, and like every other sink I’ve seen in the world), they come up from the floor.. okay.. that might complicate things, but we can still do this… just have to drill a couple of holes in the bottom of whatever vanity we decide to buy…

So last night we head off to the local Lowes in search of a new vanity (and sink/countertop/faucets/whatnot)… because Lowes is the “rich mans home depot”, right? Better stuff I’m told… except nothing there tickles the wife’s fancy. So we end up at the local home depot anyway… and eventually we find a nice vanity (with marble sink) that she likes. We load up on every thing else we can think of that we might need along the way (water inlet lines, shutoff valves, caulk, and so on, and so on, and so on)… we come home and decide to get a start on the project today, cause, you know it’s late now after all that shopping.

So today I get up, we basically spend the entire day tearing the old sink/vanity and crap out of the bathroom. Turn off the water for the whole house (because we’re going to have to cut the water pipes closer to the floor to get the new vanity in, and we’re going to be replacing the valves in the process). Big super-deluxe pry-bar gets used, and I get to vent some frustration, and after much prying/bashing/breaking, it all comes out. So I start figuring out how the new one is going to go in. Oh look, the new one is going to about an inch wider then the old.. so we need to chisel off an inch of molding at the floor… fun that was. (Chisel, hacksaw, and 5 dremel blades later, I did get it that inch off).

It’s almost dinner time at this point, and we realize we need plumbers putty and a few other things. So back to the home depot we go… obtain putty and whatever else we needed, and stop for dinner on the way home. Back home, drill holes in new vanity, mess with molding some more (don’t ask), go to assemble new sink, realize the putty has a big warning “DO NOT APPLY DIRECTLY TO MARBLE OR OTHER POROUS SURFACE!”… guess what the sink is made out of? Uh huh. Marble. Quick internet research shows that “it will stain/discolor the marble… we need a coat of “clear lacquer” put down first…” Okay, it’s only 8:30, off to home depot before they close, grab lacquer, grab more dremel blades (I *will* defeat the molding from hell!) and come home again.

I finally defeat the molding. We have the materials to assemble the new sink top (the vanity cabinet is *not* even in the bathroom yet at this point mind you!)… and I’m looking for something to do while I wait for the laquer and/or the drywall putty (one section of wall lost it’s life in the great battle to remove the old vanity and needed to be repaired) to finish drying..

“Ah ha, I can put the teflon tape on the one side of the new shutoff valves awhile” I say to myself.. “That will kill a couple of moments while I wait”.

So I grab the two boxes marked “Straight Shutoff Valve : Compression Fit” and open them…

To discover ONE has (the correct) compression fittings… and the other is a valve for a soldered connection in the wrong box.

FUUUUUCCCCK.

It’s 10PM, and Home Depot (and everyone else who might have the valve I actually need) is closed.

Double FUUUUUCCCCK.

And since I cut off the old valves hours ago (in preparation to install the new cabinet), the water main for the whole house is still turned off, which means we’re stuck all night with no running water in the house until sometime after home depot opens tomorrow and I can run over and get the correct type of valve.

Triple FUUUUUCCCCK.

So I’m sitting here with a nice new vanity sitting in my kitchen (not the room it goes in, mind you), holding the entire process up until tomorrow morning for Home Depot to open… (and probably mid-afternoon tomorrow before we’re finished since when we realized we couldn’t finish tonight we just left everything where it was and said “fuck it”…)…and I could really use a good shit thanks to the Burger King we had for dinner.. but of course, that’s out of the question because we’ve got one good flush (maybe) stored in each toilet, but what if it’s a double flusher? I can’t risk that with no water…

Quadra FUUUUUCCCCK.

(And yes, I know, I should have checked the valves *when I picked them up at the store*, but I was a moron, and didn’t…. not the first time I’ve been burned because some fuck-wit opened a box at Home Depot and in the process of going “Durrr, which valve do we need Bob?!” put them back in the wrong boxes).

Every Link is Sacred

Every link is sacred, Every link is good.
Every link is needed, In your neighborhood.
Every link is sacred, Every link is great.
If a link is wasted, Goog gets quite iraaaaaate!

— With apologies to the folks @ Monty Python

I have to take a moment, remove my “saracastic wiseass random thoughts guy” hat and put on my “intellectual quasi-saavy internet dude” hat a moment to discuss something that’s been tweaking my rage-o-meter lately. Links. Or more importantly, people who diss some types of links over others. Maybe this appeals to you, maybe it don’t. If so, read on playa, read on…

So I’m hanging out at some of my every so often website related places, webmaster forums, places filled with self proclaimed “Search Engine Optimization Experts”, and other assorted riffraff… and I see a never ending stream of conversations with topics that go something like:


Msg: I got a backlink from a PR5 site today, but instead of my carefully picked out keywords, they just used the name of my site! Is this hurting my ranking in google?!?
Reply: Yes. Ask them to fix the link text or remove the link.

WHAT?!?

Look. No link is *bad*. No Link is *evil*. No link *hurts*. Every link is sacred, every link is good! I don’t care if your site sells viagra and the linktext is “Shriveled up limp penis”… it’s a link. It’s good. Is it as good as a quality “Buy Viagra” link on a site that is an authority in the field of erectile dysfunction (And bonus points if it’s say, the John Hopkins school of medicine)? No, of course not. But links TO your site can never hurt, I don’t care what anybody says.

Sure, a link may have *little* or *no* benefit (We all know that some links Google just pretty much ignores), but it can *not* hurt. I guarantee it.

How can I know this when so many SEO “authorities” swear that links can hurt your site? (ie: “Don’t have your link on a page with more then 25 other links, because that hurts you!”). BzzZ. I’m almost 100% sure this is another of those old wives tales. Why?

Because, think for a moment. If it was possible to HURT a site by linking to it (even from a “bad web neighborhood”), how long do you think it would take someone to say to themselves “Hmmm… in addition to PROMOTING my own site, I can use some of these “hurtful” links against my competitors! It’ll boost me, and hurt them, and VOILA! Instant Riches for me!”

You know it would happen. There would be entire shady networks of “sites” designed just to be “Bad google PR” dumping grounds, and the people who run them would then sell links to people wanting to hurt their competitors…

Can *you* control who links to your site, and how? Really? Could you stop someone from running around posting your links on a bunch of pages in “bad neighborhoods”? Of course not, and that’s what would make this system I just described work…

IF A LINK COULD EVER *HURT* YOUR RANKINGS.

Dear Beyonce, If you were a boy…

In light of your newest single, I thought I’d take a moment to share something with you.

If you were a boy, you would have never gotten cast in Destiny’s Child (cause, you know, it’s a FEMALE group). You would then never had broken into acting, (Can you imagine, Austin Powers with a transvestite sidekick? I think not.), launched a solo career, nor (unless you know something I don’t) married Jay-Z.

In short, if you were a boy, none of us would know of you, care about you, nor would you be the success you are now; big-assed guys who can sing are a dime a dozen.

You have a vag, don’t fight it, don’t hate on it, just be glad of it.

A New Look Already?

Yes. A new look. It’s my site, and so right now my opinion is the only one that really matters. 🙂 There’s still some little tweaks I’d like to make to make the place look exactly how I want, but right now it’s alot closer then it was a few hours ago. 🙂

Name your child Adolf Hitler, there’s going to be issues.

Now, lets be honest here, when you give your kids names like “JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell”, and “Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell”, you’re pretty much guaranteeing that kid is going to either grow up and hate you forever, or be a social outcast. At the very least, they’re going to get some strange glances over the years when people make the connection. But naming your first borne son “Adolf Hitler Campbell”, that’s just asking for drama, and you know it…. 20 years from now, your an executive pooring through resumes, there’s two candidates, both equally qualified… but one resume has “Adolf Hitler Campbell” scrawed across it… who do you think is getting the job?

Look, I’m not looking to get into the whole “Nazism is wrong” debate, I think we all know how that one goes, I’m just saying, regardless of your beliefs, even if you think Hitler had the right idea, and do a little Sig Heil dance before dinner each night, you can not honestly tell me you think naming the child “Adolf Hitler” is a good idea for the kid, from *any* way you look at it.

Lets assume for a moment that these wee tykes somehow manage to make it through the next 18 years without turning into sociopaths and want to distance themselves from Mommie and Daddy Dearest’s delusions of supremacy…. (not likely, I know, but it could happen) the sisters could always decide to go by “JoyceLynn” and “Jeannie” and just, you know, hide the rest of their names, but lil Adolf? He’s screwed. Having a store refuse to adorn a birthday cake with his name is going to be the LEAST of this kids worries as he progresses through life.

Can you just imagine the *fun* he’s going to have on the playground?

They sure do grown them… unique in PA… 🙂

Lyrics Datbase, whats this?

A little something new here at LtB starting today. I give you the Lyrics Database. I know, I know, there’s a thousand lyrics sites on the interwebs these days, why one more? Well, there is some logic behind this (maybe faulty logic, but logic none-the-less)… read on for a peak behind the madness.

Once apon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, before the pipes of the inter-tubes were graced with the goodness that is LickTheBalls, there was another site, a creation of joy, love, and harmony. And that site was good. (Okay, so really it wasn’t, but let me live in my dream world). Anyway, one feature that site had, which once was a labor of love, was a little lyrics database. Even in those pre-intertubes-clogged days, it wasn’t that rare of a creature, but it was loved, and nurtured with kindness (The database, not the site, the site was rampant with hate and icky-poo-things), and over time it became something I liked having.

Sadly, one day that site died, and with it disappeared the lyrics database. Never to be seen from again… until one day I awoke with a start and proclaimed “Yes, I can!”… No, I wasn’t running for president, I realized that the switch to Drupal was the perfect excuse to re-invent my long lost love the lyrics database. A couple custom content fields (Thank you CCK module!) and I’d have what I wanted. Throw in a rating system and it would be even better and cooler then the old one… yes…. yes…

Anyway. It’s here now. It’s no where near complete, and one day (soon, I hope) I want to see if I can scrounge up a copy of the old lyrics database from that long defunct site and import the data into the new one… in the meantime, I’ll work on it some more, and it’s already growing, living, evolving..

[Cue the mad scientist laugh]

Robo-Wife… this could end badly.

So I’m reading today about a man who created himself a little android woman.

I’ve got some thoughts on this. (Hit the bad ass little “Read More” button, you know you want to!)

Haven’t these people seen The Terminator movies? Seriously. Some things should just be left alone… I’m all for a little “never has a headache” sex-bot (and bonus points of course for making her Asian in appearance), but not at the risk of eventually having murderous robots roaming our streets hunting down and slaughtering the innocents… Come on! Of course it’s typical man-behavior to build something cool and immediately think “Oh, wow, how can I use this for… sex.”.. but it’s also typical man-behavior to follow that thought up (usually after a few weeks of sex with the new creation until it becomes old-hat), with “Oh, wow, how can I use this for… conquering my enemies.”

You know it’ll happen. History proves my theory out. Cave man invents wheel. Cave man says “Dude, four of these and I can build a wagon… which I can use to pick up chicks!” (Of course, cave man didn’t mean it the way we do nowadays as in “Impress them with my ride and they’ll want to mate with me”, he meant literally “I can club them over head, drop their limp bodies in wagon, and bring them back to the cave a wagon-full at a time! ROCK ON!”. A few months later Cave man is using same wagon to raid his neighbors house and bring back all the phat loots after killing his neighbor. Man invents, man uses invention for sex, man uses invention for war. It’s how it’s done. And it’s going to happen with androids too.. just watch.

Apon further inspection, it appears this isn’t entirely new, Le Trung had previously shared his invention with the world late last year.

A Ponderance

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-Albert Einstein