What’s all this Mountain Dew “White Label”, “Green Label” shit anyway?

So there I was, wandering the grocery store, minding my own business, trying to score some the necessary ingredients for a proper fathers-day grilling spectacular, when out of the corner of my eye I spy these strange beverages calling to me from the soda isle:

Now, I’m all about the glory of the Mountain Dew, some might even go so far as to use the term “connoisseur”… I wouldn’t of course, because it would sound pretentious, but the fact is, I love me some Mountain Dew, almost every variety.  Original Dew?  Check.   Throwback Dew?  Oh hell yes.   Horde/Alliance WoW Game Fuel? oh my god please, give me a time machine, and Hilter gets to live, I’ll be in 2007 stocking up crates of that goodness.  Baja Blast?  What else would you use to wash down a couple chalupas?    Code Red?  awwww yeah.

Sangrita Blast?  Fuck that mess.  Sangrita Blast is like the red-headed stepchild of the Mountain  Dew family.  It’s only purpose in life is to serve as a combination warning and measuring stick for the other children in the family… “Look here new Baby Dew flavor, don’t be a fuckup like your brother Sangrita Blast, get out there and make something of your life!”

And while we’re on the subject of fuck ups, it’s “Mountain Dew”, not “Mtn Dew”  I’m sorry, I know it’s 2017 and we all need to be hip and cool, and letters are apparently more expensive than a black market liver, but dear christ, stop trying to shorten and dumb down everything in the world.  (I’m looking at you, marketing departments… everywhere!)

Now, anyway, the point is, I love me some Dew.  But I’m not one of those people who lurks the Dew website/facebook/twitterfeed to see what crazy new thing they’ve cooked up.. So I hadn’t heard about these new Dews until I spotted them in the store, much like a lion would spot a limping zebra on the great open plains and think “Screw it, I could do with lunch!”.

So yeah, I impulse bought a White Label, and a Green Label.  No Black Label for me, as there’s only room for one “Black Label” in my life, also known as Old No. 7, which I also love and adore, but does not mix well with Mountain Dew, so let’s leave that topic for now.

Anyway.  White Label, Green Label.  Both consumed.  Both tasted, and now, for the record, the truth shall be told.

Mountain Dew White Label – According to the marketing speak on the label, this is “DEW with crafted tropical citrus“.   Turns out that means “Pineapple and Grapefruit”.   Now, I love me some Pineapple, but absolutely hate Grapefruit.  The mix in this seems to be heavily tilted towards Pineapple, so at the end of the day, I found it to be tasty, refreshing, and thank god, not that grape-fruity.     I’ll say…  8 out of 10.

Mountain Dew Green Label – “DEW with crafted Green Apple Kiwi“… Sounds straight forward to me.   Pop top, enjoy.   GREEN APPLE JOLLY RANCHER ALL UP IN MY MOUTH-BUDS.   Kiwi?  Was there Kiwi?   I don’t know honestly.  I drank this thing 48 hours ago, and I’m still tasting GREEN APPLE JOLLY RANCHER everywhere I go.    Delicious… just.. very… sweet… I mean, even more than most Dews.  If Dew was a sugary drug (and who says it’s not?) this thing would be the Crack to every other flavors Cocaine.    If you want the experience of liquid jolly rancher… 10 out of 10.   But be warned, tis a strong taste.

Pardon the dust

Oh lord.  He’s up to no good again.

Yeah.  Pretty much.   I’ve been contemplating making life “easier” recently.   Drupal had to go.   Something new in these parts.

  • All the old posts made it over.
  • But the comments are toast.
  • The Photo gallery is gone, let’s be honest, you can find all the funny meme pictures you could possibly want on Google.
  • The Lyrics DB never got as much attention as I desired, and again, there’s a million places online for that too.
  • The theme isn’t set in stone.  Expect changes in that regard.
  • A bunch of stuff under the hood to change around as well, but for now, this works.

We’ll see if it makes any difference to how often I remember to stop by and update around here.



A Google Lesson Learned: Backdoors Suck

So, word within various gutters of the interwebs is that Google’s big “ChinaGate” fiasco is the end result of a system Google put in place to help law enforcement gain quick access to everyone’s emails. Imagine That. (More after the break).

The story goes, that apparently things like, who an email is to, who it’s from, the datestamp and the subject line, are all considered as being written on the “outside of the envelope” as far as law enforcement is concerned…. IE: “We don’t need no steanking warrants!”…

Yes, they’re equating the Subject of your email to the same level of privacy as whatever you scrawled on the back of that postcard to Aunt Maybel last summer from Florida. And apparently, not only has some judge somewhere apparently agreed with this, but apparently it’s not uncommon for large email providers (ISPs, Google, Hotmail, whoeverelse) to have an automated system to allow “authorized law enforcement folk” access to this data on a routine basis…

I have no doubt in Google’s case it’s a rather fast, speedy web interface, and since, you know, these requests could come in from any law enforcement office, anywhere around the country (or world), they probably hand out logins to this system through some uber-secret secure process involving fist-bumping handshakes and knowing the secret code word… who knows.

The point is, word has it that this automated “sorta snoop, but not entirely” system is how the evil Chinese hackers gained access to peoples accounts… hence why Google is pointing out that “Subjects, but not emails” were compromised… I mean, wasn’t your first question “Wait, how come only subjects were accessed?”.. exactly, now you know.

Because Google has a system in place to give every LEO who calls and asks for it access to their “super database of email headers”, and low and behold, some schmuck let their login slip out, and now the evil hackers found their way in to do whatever nefarious snooping they wanted. Image that.

Having any one factor credential that can gain access to an entire dataset? Some people call it “Breached By Design”… I call it, a fuckup. This is worse then the story making rounds a coupledays ago that back in the day Facebook had a “master password” what would get FB staff access to any facebook account/profile they needed (funfact, the master password was a variation of “ChuckNorris”, imagine that, Chuck *does* have power)… At least the FB master password system only worked when the request originated from within Facebook’s own IP space. (Although, lets be honest, there are ways around that as well)… This system, by virtue of it’s needing to be accessed by whatever law enforcement official needed it, from whatever his geographical location at the time, made such a restriction impossible…

So in short, today’s geeky ProTip is this… Storing peoples data/email/photos/whatever “In The Cloud” is fucking insecure enough under the best of situations and implementations.. don’t poke giant holes in whatever security you DO have by using master passwords or backdoors “for special people only” for christsake…. sooner or later, someone who you *don’t* want to know about your supersekretclubhouse will find it, and abuse it, and then you’ll be the ones sitting there going “duuuurrr”.

Timing is everything

Many moons ago, I had a drunken crazy inspired idea… “You know, I need a website… it needs a name… LickTheBalls… it’s perfect”… problem? That idea occured to me during a particularly drunken New Years Eve event. When I finally became conscious enough to actually register the domain, I did.. (January 2nd, yes, I partied the new year in *hard* that year it seems)…

You see the problem right? The domain expires on the 2nd now.. and I always forget until after it expires out.. the problem is my registrar starts sending me the “don’t forget, your domain is expiring soon, blah blah blah” emails in like September, and I promptly go “Bah, that’s like, next year man!” and just delete them. And then they keep sending them, every 2 or 3 days, so I just start deleting them as soon as I see them in my inbox.

And then the holidays come, and with them the madness that holidays bring… so I *really* forget.

Then sometime shortly after the first of the year, I find myself itching to post something, or just check on the site, and *whammo*, I realize the domain has expired… so I rush and renew it, and life is once again balanced and peaceful.

My bad.

Make her cower in fear at the bedroom!

The title of today’s post is brought to us by my favorite spammer of the last few weeks, who for some reason thinks the idea of *frightening* a women is going to sell more penis pills. ~shrug~

Anyway, I know this have been a little slow on the update front, but I have been working on this around here, today I unleash upon you, the LtB Image Gallery! Right now there’s just a bunch of funny-ha-ha Demotivational images in there, but more funny ha-ha will be along soon for everyone’s enjoyment. (Newest images will always be at the top of page 1)… You can find linky-links for the Image gallery over there on the left hand menu…

Rihanna turns up dead, world goes “Oh Well”.

Alright, so maybe Carnac I’m not, but it doesn’t take mad psychic skills to see where this is going. Guy hits girl, girl takes guy back again, guy… never touches girl again and they live happily ever after? Um, yeah, that’s how the story goes.

Look, I’m not saying she deserved it or anything of the sort, I’ve seen the leaked photo, and nobody deserves that (unless they spill my drink or commit a similarly heinous crime against humanity, in which case an ass whuppin ensures). As a rule I think any guy who smacks around a female is a douchebag of the highest order by default.

I’m saying that since she has apparently seen fit to get back together with him, then that’s it, the sympathy train has left the station in my case. He smacks her around again, my response is not “Fuck him, let me at ’em!”, it’s going to be more “Oh well, her own fault.”.

Lets say I go to the Zoo, climb into the lion cage, and get my leg chomped off, is it the lions fault for doing it, or mine for being an idiot and climbing in his cage? Mine, entirely. The lion is just being a lion, it’s a fierce predator, it’s role in life is to lay around and chase/eat living animals when the mood strikes. I on the other hand should have known better. And so should she.

Guy turns out to be a douchebag who hits women, great, as Rihanna is the victim, we all feel bad for her, he goes to jail, life goes on. But now that he’s proven himself to be a woman-hitting-douche, if she continues to associate with him in any means, she’s placing herself in the lion cage all of her own free will.

Now, right about now I expect the hate mail will start “But women who are domestically abused frequently return to the relationship, or simply never leave in the first place, blah blah blah.”

And your right, many battered victims of domestic abuse *do* return to the relationship, or never leave in the first place. Many times it’s out a sense of simply “I can’t…” Either there are children involved, the abuser supports the abusee, or some other mental hangup that makes the person stick around (“I’m worthless, and am lucky to have him/her”, “They really love me, and no one else will”, blah blah blah)

But in this case, they don’t have kids, she’s a world renowned musician who’s got to have a little stashed in the bank, and guys everywhere would give their right (and possibly left) nut to snuggle up next to her in bed. (Once all the bruising is faded anyway).

My point is, she doesn’t *need* him, not on any level whatsoever, nor is there anything “forcing” her to stick around with him aside from some seriously delusional concept of “love” or something.

So from this point on: he hits her… “Oh well” she winds up dead… “So sad”.

But no more sympathy, not for her anyway. (Now, for her family who have to sit back and watch this madness while going “Why the fu$k doesn’t she just walk away?!”… them I feel for…)

Our Country is Going to Hell

People everywhere are pondering the fact that the United States is going to hell in a handbasket, and wondering what things have led us down this path. Allow me to pontificate.

First of all, as a nation, our priorities are all screwed up. From our legal system, to our taxation system, to the way we elect our prestigious leaders, it’s all screwed up. Consider this:

– A “businessman” scams thousands of people out of billions (41 BILLION I last heard) of dollars with an elaborate ponzi scheme, eventually turned in by his own sons. Said businessman is not sitting in a nice cozy jail cell awaiting his trail. Instead he’s relaxing in his luxurious $7 million dollar Manhattan penthouse, trying to figure out how to best hide what assets he has left. (Such as mailing gold/jewelry to friends/relatives…)

– The SEC, the people charged with the task of regulating the financial markets and making sure this type of shit doesn’t happen, well, they dropped the ball seven ways from Sunday. That same businessman was reported to the SEC in 1999 by a concerned outside analyst; in a scathing 17 page report the analyst noted 29 separate red flags about the operation that led the the analyst to title the paper “The World’s Largest Hedge Fund is a Fraud.”, yet the SEC themselves did not open an investigation of any sort until 2006. These very same SEC brainiacs are currently involved in congressional house committee meetings defending their actions (or lack thereof), by basically answering every question with the phrase “I can’t discuss that, as it’s part of an ongoing investigation”.

– Completely unrelated to the Madoff mess, but showing equally how screwed up our country has become, a peanut butter plant in Georgia has been shipping salmonella infected peanut butter to food companies across the country. Currently the CDC is reporting 500+ people sickened, and 7 deaths. (This number will rise, individual states are reporting atleast 11, but some of them have not been confirmed by the CDC, so they don’t count those in the tally just yet). Now, the story out of the plant (mostly from the rank and file employees who now find themselves out of a job) is that managements creed was “Ship ship ship! and damn everything else”. Rumor has it if a batch was tested and showed something bad (such as salmonella), they would throw out the results, and RETEST until they got a clean test result.. then ship. “Oh hey, batch 101 has the Salmonella! OH wait, nevermind, now it’s magically clean and fine!”. The plant has a history of problems, yet the FDA never shut them down. Agents of said FDA are now being hauled before the senate for an ass chewing, but I fully expect that as well will result in a lot of “We can’t talk about an ongoing investigation, sorry”… and you know the management of the factory (you know, the people actually responsible for all this) will never face any sort of justice.

– Contrast the above two events and outcomes with the maelstrom surrounding Maryland’s own Michael Phelps. A photograph from November of him with his mouth attached to a water pipe used in the smoking of various organic substances was released to the media earlier this week, and he now finds himself suspended from competitive swimming for 3 months, and has already lost one of his sponsorships, the friendly folks at Kellogs. Alright Kellogs, let me just put this out there, you screwed up. Yes, yes, I know, “the image of kellogs”, wheaties, frosted flakes, wholesome cereal, yadda yadda.. You know what? You also make Cheez-Its, Famous Amos cookies, rice Krispies, and a slew of other snackie foods. So take his picture off the cereal boxes (Readers can insert their own “Weedies” cereal joke here), and use him for your snackie products instead… I envision a whole new marketing campaign for Rice Krispies… hell, make him the fourth mascot, “Snap, Crackle, Pop, and introducing… Puff!”… a whole world of hungry, munchie craving stoners are eager to be reintroduced to your tasty sugary goodness!

Seriously though, my point is his… Steal 50 BILLION dollars, get “confined” to your multi-million dollar condo while the people employed to regulate your industry deflect claiming “ongoing investigation”… Kill some people, and make hundreds others sick because your only worried about your bottom line, get a pass by blaming the FDA, who in turn will eventually deflect elsewhere.

But win 8 Gold medals, make your entire country proud, but then get caught :gasp: smoking some weed in the off season… that there calls for a public crucifixion, no way around it.

~sigh~ Screwed up priorities people.

The Super Bowl Wrapup

Going into yesterday, I really *wanted* to see Arizona to win The Super Bowl, but logically I *expected* the Steelers would take it and run with it. The game actually ended up being entertaining (all the way to the end, unlike so many other games I’ve seen this year), and closer then I really expected. That said, for a moment (or more like 4 minutes), I really thought Arizona had it.. oh well… some other year.

Overall, I was f-in impressed *and* entertained, and that’s not an easy thing to do to me with a football game (Anyone who knows me knows I’m *not* a sportsfan kinda guy)… between the 100 yard interception run and the nail biting way it swung back and forth.. I was engaged the entire time. Good game.

BUT… what the hell was with the refs? No, I’m not saying anything like “The cardinals would have won if the refs hadn’t been throwing penalties all night long” because lets face it, I didn’t see a penalty thrown at them they didn’t deserve… but exactly where in the rulebook is punching an opponent while he’s on the ground trying to get up *not* grounds to eject someone from the game? I get that penalizing the Steelers yardage for it would have been, well, a non-issue because the line was already in their endzone, but take the asshole who was doing it (Sorry, I don’t remember his name right now) and toss his ass out of the rest of the game. Would it have made a difference in the outcome of the game? No, but it would have taught him a lesson (“Dude, you got tossed from the fucking super bowl for being a douche, GOOD JOB ASSHAT!”)

Now, all that said, just how old *is* Bruce Springsteen these days? And more importantly, who made the decision to let him run rampant during the Super Bowl Half Time show? Seriously. I mean, if look at the last 5 years of Super Bowl Halftime performances, Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty and now Bruce Springsteen… Am I the only one thinking “Wow, that list went to shit in a hurry!”. For the record, I liked the Prince performance, phallic guitar and all, and I’m a big Tom Petty fan personally, but even *I* can admit that going from “Sir Paul and the fuckin STONES MAN” to “Petty and Springsteen” is a atleast two or three steps down the stairway of musical talent.

And what the hell was with the cheesy referee/springsteen interplay? Are we trying a bit too hard to make Bruce seem cool and hip, or what? The only way it could have been worse was if he fist-bumped the ref and said “We Straight Dawg!”

Thursday Morning Roundup

Sorry that I’ve been slacking on the update front. Been a lot going on the last since the holidays ended, read on for the scoop..

  • The renovations worked out okay in the end. I’ll get some pics up as soon as I remember to hook my camera up to my PC and dump them
  • Welcome to Fantasy Island – Ricardo Montalban, dead at 88.
  • The Lyrics Database here at LtB be growing by leaps and bounds, and I’ve got something else in the works as soon as I can spend some time working the kinks out of the code.
  • Found out my dayjob is going to be folding up shop sometime this year for sure. Kind of saw this coming for a long time now, it’s a long story, but having the finality of the situation confirmed is well, saddening, but also a relief. Now to figure out what to do with my life going forward. 🙂
  • The little WOW related craigslist ad I linked a while back got so many funny ha has, I found another I felt the need to share. Hmm.. maybe this is my future career path.. “Professional Codegirl Trainer”….
  • Remember little Adolf? Well, he’s without a home today.

Renovation Raaaaaaage!

Alright, so the better half declared some time ago that we needed to replace the vanity/sink in our main bathroom. No problem, it can’t be that complicated, right? We just pop the old one out, drop the new one in, right? Uh huh.. read on brother, read on.

So being the smart person I am, I decide I should do some “prep” before we dive into this fiasco… so I measure the existing vanity cabinet and sink, and I take a look at the existing sink and associated crap.. Hmm.. this is odd, the water lines don’t come out of the wall (like the drain pipe does, and like every other sink I’ve seen in the world), they come up from the floor.. okay.. that might complicate things, but we can still do this… just have to drill a couple of holes in the bottom of whatever vanity we decide to buy…

So last night we head off to the local Lowes in search of a new vanity (and sink/countertop/faucets/whatnot)… because Lowes is the “rich mans home depot”, right? Better stuff I’m told… except nothing there tickles the wife’s fancy. So we end up at the local home depot anyway… and eventually we find a nice vanity (with marble sink) that she likes. We load up on every thing else we can think of that we might need along the way (water inlet lines, shutoff valves, caulk, and so on, and so on, and so on)… we come home and decide to get a start on the project today, cause, you know it’s late now after all that shopping.

So today I get up, we basically spend the entire day tearing the old sink/vanity and crap out of the bathroom. Turn off the water for the whole house (because we’re going to have to cut the water pipes closer to the floor to get the new vanity in, and we’re going to be replacing the valves in the process). Big super-deluxe pry-bar gets used, and I get to vent some frustration, and after much prying/bashing/breaking, it all comes out. So I start figuring out how the new one is going to go in. Oh look, the new one is going to about an inch wider then the old.. so we need to chisel off an inch of molding at the floor… fun that was. (Chisel, hacksaw, and 5 dremel blades later, I did get it that inch off).

It’s almost dinner time at this point, and we realize we need plumbers putty and a few other things. So back to the home depot we go… obtain putty and whatever else we needed, and stop for dinner on the way home. Back home, drill holes in new vanity, mess with molding some more (don’t ask), go to assemble new sink, realize the putty has a big warning “DO NOT APPLY DIRECTLY TO MARBLE OR OTHER POROUS SURFACE!”… guess what the sink is made out of? Uh huh. Marble. Quick internet research shows that “it will stain/discolor the marble… we need a coat of “clear lacquer” put down first…” Okay, it’s only 8:30, off to home depot before they close, grab lacquer, grab more dremel blades (I *will* defeat the molding from hell!) and come home again.

I finally defeat the molding. We have the materials to assemble the new sink top (the vanity cabinet is *not* even in the bathroom yet at this point mind you!)… and I’m looking for something to do while I wait for the laquer and/or the drywall putty (one section of wall lost it’s life in the great battle to remove the old vanity and needed to be repaired) to finish drying..

“Ah ha, I can put the teflon tape on the one side of the new shutoff valves awhile” I say to myself.. “That will kill a couple of moments while I wait”.

So I grab the two boxes marked “Straight Shutoff Valve : Compression Fit” and open them…

To discover ONE has (the correct) compression fittings… and the other is a valve for a soldered connection in the wrong box.


It’s 10PM, and Home Depot (and everyone else who might have the valve I actually need) is closed.


And since I cut off the old valves hours ago (in preparation to install the new cabinet), the water main for the whole house is still turned off, which means we’re stuck all night with no running water in the house until sometime after home depot opens tomorrow and I can run over and get the correct type of valve.


So I’m sitting here with a nice new vanity sitting in my kitchen (not the room it goes in, mind you), holding the entire process up until tomorrow morning for Home Depot to open… (and probably mid-afternoon tomorrow before we’re finished since when we realized we couldn’t finish tonight we just left everything where it was and said “fuck it”…)…and I could really use a good shit thanks to the Burger King we had for dinner.. but of course, that’s out of the question because we’ve got one good flush (maybe) stored in each toilet, but what if it’s a double flusher? I can’t risk that with no water…


(And yes, I know, I should have checked the valves *when I picked them up at the store*, but I was a moron, and didn’t…. not the first time I’ve been burned because some fuck-wit opened a box at Home Depot and in the process of going “Durrr, which valve do we need Bob?!” put them back in the wrong boxes).